I think I’m about to have a panic attack/growing up meltdown. It’s going to sound so funny but ever since Cornhuskin’, I’m all too aware that my time at Meredith is coming to a close. I’m going to have to make choices on what I want to do, where I want to go, how I’m going to get there, and it is so, so scary. I don’t know how my senior friends are handling this because I’m about to have a coronary.

I want to act. And I know that you have to be willing to do work for it, and that about oh, a hundred million people have the same dream. Having connections is everything and I’m still in that whole phase where I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to attain them. My really good friend Ashley was telling me how she got offered a nanny job in L.A and she can live there rent-free, get paid, and begin auditioning for things. I’m not surprised that she got offered a job like that because she’s awesome. But still, I could feel panic crawling in my insides because it’s all coming so soon and so fast…and I’m worried that I will not be ready when the time comes. At all.

Fall break

One of my cousin’s told me to enjoy fall break because, according to him, “When you join the real world, that junk goes AWAY.” And now it is Saturday, class begins on Monday, and here I am attempting to do the work that I had sectioned off for the past two days, but somehow put it off. Despite put off college-y work, this fall break was met with a number of fun times.

I got to see this little guy–Apollo is a charm, and I swear, I regress into a six-year-old and will not stop picking him up to have a snug-fest with him. All animals aside, I got to catch up with a bunch of friends that I rarely see these days-including my MC big sis, Maggie Biz! I was so excited to get to see her and talk about life and old memories at MC. It feels so weird to not have her here…and it makes me realize that I only have a year and eight-ish months before I’m on my way to being a Grown Up Person, and to be honest, it still scares me.

I turn 21 in less than three weeks. HOLY SMOKE.

Something else I’m stoked about?

The State Fair. Ohhhhh, snap. I see funnel cake, roasted corn on the cob, and a possible starvation process to get my organs ready for what I’m about to put in them. Seriously, the fair is one of my favorite parts about the year period . It really has all the essentials I need: Good food (though it’s all artery-clogging and heart attack inducing), good music, and good friends. And I’m really ready to enjoy myself this year.

So I was cruising through some old pictures…

…and I found this:

It’s October, people. This means that all sorts of wonderful, fantastic, and exciting things are coming. We have:

1) The state fair: My friend Blair got super excited when we were talking about this and said, “I LOVE THE PIG RACES!” Aside from nearly splitting my sides from laughing, I’m just as excited as she is. I love the throngs of people, the music, the rides, and my absolutely faaaavorite indulgence: funnel cake. This may have to be compromised through a ton of Weight Watcher points, but we will make it work.

2) Ring Dinner: Ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodness, you have no idea how excited I am for this. I can’t wait to get my onyx and I can’t wait to get dressed up and just kick it with the class of 2011.

3) CORNHUSKIN’: Late night dance practices, covert skit meetings, and four competitive classes? Baller.

4) The musical: This is going to be such a great show. Ruthless is one of those shows that you can’t help but have fun with, and I’m working with all of my friends and a lot of talent.

5) MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A MONTH AND ONE DAY: No explanation needed.

It looks like Octubre is going to be a wonderful, if not crazy-busy month. But bring it on, I say.

I did something. Something that I think is going to be a good thing:

I signed up for Weight Watchers. And so far, I actually really like it. It’s been keeping me accountable, and you know, I actually feel a lot better. It’s always a little hard to admit to yourself that maaaabye you should finally take a step back and tackle an inner-issue at hand. So after awhile, I finally decided to.

We’ll see how this one goes.

Celebrations

This weekend was exactly what I needed. There was much to celebrate, mainly one of my lovely friends turning 22. Kasey, the birthday girl, and her superfly roommate, Amy threw a Vegas party, MC apartment style:

Gambler mints.

Amy’s baller cake. “I cooked with fondant!”

Kasey with Emily’s HANDMADE Vegas visor, and her bestie, Amy.

One of my absolute favorites!

I really do love my friends.

Normally I am not a fan of Thursday’s. I start class at eight and end at six.
And acting is my last class, so I usually come out frustrated, near tears, or a combination of the two. But for some reason, something clicked today. My professor talks about “letting go” and “not overthinking,” two things that I don’t do very well. The most important rule in that class is that we have to be honest, something that we don’t practice in our everyday lives. I mean, think about it: we have a social filter so we won’t hurt other people’s feelings and so we look nice. But in acting class, we can’t do that. If we think another peer is being dishonest, we have to say so. Do feelings get hurt? Sometimes. But one thing I’m starting to notice is how liberating it is to say what I genuinely think, and that yeah, my own ego can get a little bruised sometimes. But it’s okay because if you can’t be honest with yourself, how will you ever find out who you are or what you’re all about? It’s scary, but so worth it in the end.

I think that this is going to be one of those classes that really does change your life.

Joy

This year has been so stressful…and we’re not even at fall break yet! But somehow, amidst the endless Critical Theory work and the inner-worryings about the future, there’s been a lot of joy in my life so far. I’ve been feeling so much happier lately and despite the start of college, a lot less stressed. I love my apartment. My lovely new home is really starting to feel like mine. I love coming back to see my roommates and just kind of have my own place that’s not on campus. And on a shallow note, my bed is SO. COMFORTABLE. Guess you’ll just have to experience it

This week I’m celebrating the reappearance of the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks and I’m digging up my fall clothes. I mean, it’s the little things.

A part of me is still here.

“The project you are working on in critical theory class is like a prelim for your thesis.”

I’m sorry. Did you just say…thesis?

Jeez. The whole “oh, hey, you’re old” thing hasn’t gotten quite as old yet.

HOWEVER. Something extremely, supremely, amazing, AWESOME thing happened today! I ordered my onyx. Those who aren’t Meredith people won’t understand how big of a deal it is to get your ring as a junior. It’s one of the biggest traditions at my school and I’ve actually reached that age and time where I can get it. So wonderful.

Today Amy and Kasey hosted “Wok-it-out-Wednesday” at their apartment! It was lovely, especially Amy’s bangin’ blueberry tart I’m a dessert gal. Always have been, always will be. I’ve really missed my MC friends over the summer-and nights like tonight remind me of how lucky I am to have them.

The first few days of class have gone by. Needless to say I am SO glad it’s Friday! It’s been a pretty good couple of days so far! I really like my classes, but I can tell that after this week they’re going to include a ton of work.

The morning of my first day, I was met with this lovely site:

I have a really great roommate

Jazz class at 8 a.m. actually has worked out quite well. Kellie and Rebecca are in my class which makes it super fun and I love dancing to Prince first thing in the morning

I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m…well, old, at least in college terms. I’m not a newbie anymore. I’m in my junior year and I’m supposedly deciding on what to do with my life. Ahahaha, riiiight. As excited as I am at the prospect of getting my ring, being superior in the knowledge of Cornhuskin’ (SWEET), and living in my own apartment, I still feel little twinges of envy when I see the freshmen. I’m having a Peter Pan moment.

Goodbye Summer, hello new year…

I’m being held hostage. Actually, it’s a lot less scary than it sounds: I’m being held hostage by a shelf load of clothes, a couple boxes, and about sixty billion thumbtacks (I have a need to tack up pictures on walls). It’s finally happening-I’m moving into an apartment with two loverly roomies. Am I excited? Yes and no. Yes because now it means that I can go to Ikea and justify my expenses with, “It’s for my new apartment! TOTALLY need the salt-shaker holder.” No because it means that summer really is about to end. I’m a junior in college, I’m really diving into my majors and I’m starting to get smacked in the face with, “So…plans after college?” I feel…old. I’m a twenty-something and I already feel a pre-mid-life crisis approaching.

There was a lot of growing up this summer. From studying abroad in Italy and Switzerland with a group of wonderful ladies, to trotting through India to see family and be a part of a real Indian wedding (all done with the company of my two best friends), each experience was incredibly different but incredibly incredible all the same.

I miss Sansepolcro.

And Chennai.

But even so…I am pumped for this:

Cornhuskin’.

And let the new begin!